Gettin' Through It

Today has been a frustrating so far...bills, angry babies, working boyfriends, not enough sleep. This is what is getting me through it.

Hang in there
-Kate

Chew Toy

This post goes out to all those moms out there who are or have ever experienced a teething monster. A-hem.    Excuse, did I say monster? I meant baby. I am now experiencing the world of a teething six month old baby and in this world, he is the ruler. I am merely his servant who rocks and coos and cradles and nurses and soothes the tantrum-ing baby that has become my son.

I at a loss for what to do. I can't seem to make it better, and it leaves me feeling helpless. He cries like he's uncomfortable, and damn it! I would be too if I had little calcium spikes poking through my tender gums. But after trying various teething toy options, ibuprofen, Orajel, and lots of extra love and attention, it's still no go.

Believe me, I understand this is a necessary process and that it's one we just have to get through, but after a day filled with a screaming baby and stressed out fiancee, a girl needs to vent.

But here's to better days and toothy grins in our future!

-Kate

Attachment Anxiety

This post is going out to mothers, especially new ones. Over the course of the past few months as a first time mother I have been experiencing something I am calling attachment anxiety. Maybe anxiety isn't the right word for it but I'll explain and let you decide for yourself.

You hear all sorts of cliches about how mothers have this amazing bond with their new babies. It's chemical, biological, emotional--all that fun stuff. Now I'm not disregarding this because I definitely have that bond. But no where did I read anything or hear anything about just how powerful it is and what exactly it entails. I think that lots of us would like to say that in a pressured decision--yourself or someone else--we'd be selfless enough to choose someone else's life or safety or sanity over our own. We all want to be heros deep down, but when push comes to shove I don't think many of us would be quite as selfless as we think. And let's be honest, most people don't often find themselves in such situations where they ever have to make such decisions (thank God!), but when you have a kid you feel that everyday.

I have never in my lifetime felt a pull towards another human like the one I feel towards Alex. While holding him I wish there was some way I could hold him closer. I wish he was old enough to wrap his arms around me in return and give me a huge hug without the fear of squeezing too tight for his precious little body. When I drive and Alex is in the backseat I check for oncoming cars at least 3 extra times because I am so scared that I will miss something and as a result Alex will potentially be hurt.

When he wakes up from his naps (which he takes in the room right next to the one I'm in in our tiny apartment) I scoop him up from his crib and tell him that I've missed him. I'm not exaggerating either. I did miss him. It doesn't matter that it was only for 30 minutes and he was only ever 20 feet away. I doesn't matter that I wish that he'd take longer naps so that I can get more done. I am still happy to go in and pick him up and give him a kiss on his wispy blonde hair. Seeing him smile when I walk over towards him or hearing him giggle when I make a goofy noise with my mouth makes me heart do a silly little dance in my chest out of happiness.

My fiancee is the love of my life. I am beyond happy when I'm with him and I can't imagine myself with any other man, but my love for Alex is different. I couldn't say I love one more than the other because the love I have for each of them is totally different in inexplicable ways. It doesn't matter how many times Alex spits up on me right after I put on clean clothes or how many times in the middle of one night I have to wake up to feed or rock him back to sleep; I will always have this attachment to him. It's why parents can say they will always love their kids because they can. I understand that now and I love my own parents and Alex and any future kids all the more for it.

All my love, Alex. Literally.

Mom (Kate)

P.S. This bond also makes it a bitch for me to let him cry and fuss a little bit in order to put himself back to sleep.

Breaking Bad....Habits

Sorry if the "breaking bad" caught your attention...this has nothing to do with the chemistry teacher turned meth maker. Once again, my apologies. What I do want to discuss today is breaking bad habits. As a parent we are our children's first teachers and often the biggest and most prevalent role models in their lives. Thus, our actions, especially when they are babies and young kids, pack a lot of punch.

A realization that I have had recently is that I might have already passed some bad habits on to Alex. It's not anything major or permanent, but in an attempt to soothe his every cry I have start both Alex and I on a dangerous road.

Now no mother wants to hear her child cry, and it is instinctual within us to want to soothe or fix or remedy whatever situation or circumstance might be bringing tears to their eyes. The only problem is that as our babies grow, they are going to encounter situations that cannot be helped and frustrations that cannot be fixed. They need to learn how to be patient and calm as well as how to deal with life's little obstacles. Thus by picking up Alex every time he fusses or popping a NUK in his mouth whenever he whines I am stomping out these chances he has to learn how to deal. I am a firm believer that a child or baby, no matter how small, is intelligent and can understand things on some level. He may not be able to verbalize his thoughts and feelings in words yet, but I do believe that pausing and giving Alex a chance to fuss for a minute and work things out on his own is beneficial.

I'm not advocating for mothers to let their children scream for endless stretches, but just pause and step back and observe your child. I have found myself surprised at how often Alex calms himself down after a minute of fussing. He's a smarty-pants even now and is learning how to fix his own problems because let's face it, no matter how badly we want to squelch every possible problem for our child, they need to learn how to do it for themselves because we can't and won't always be there for them.

So my goals lately have been to try and get Alex (and more importantly, myself) off some of the bad habits we've developed such as picking him up the minute he fusses, giving in to the ear-piercing screams and shrieks, and scooping him up as soon as he makes a peep at night. I think that Alex will learn a little patience and self-soothing and I'll get a little more sleep and eventually a more independent child.

Here's to hoping,
Kate